Thirtyish

“They” (let’s be real, I have no clue who says it) say it takes 21 days to build a new habit. Or 20? I’m not really sure. What I am sure of is that I’m on day 20 of not using social media, and I can damn sure say it’s changed the start of 2019 for me in amazing ways.

It’s changed my morning flow and routine. It’s changed how I spend my downtime at work. It’s changed how I sit at traffic lights. If my mother is reading this, I’ve never even looked at my phone while I’m in the car. In all honesty, it’s changed every aspect of every day for me.

Workdays without social media…

• 6:45. Rise and shine mofos. I jump out of bed and wake the world’s laziest puppy for a spin around the block. We’re out the door by 6:48. I’m pretty sure he hates me for this, but waking up is getting easier and easier every day.
• 7:20. Shower, makeup, hair, and dressed. I change my outfit roughly 19 times every day before walking out the door. I make no apologies for this.
• 8:00. I’ve been cooking breakfast every morning, and then sitting down at the table and eating while reading the news and listening to music. I’m digging it.
• 8:45. World’s laziest puppy gets walk number 2 for the morning.
• 9:00. Out the door and on the way to work.

This routine is now something I really look forward to every day, and it sets the pace for a smooth and enjoyable day. I used to sleep in until much later, but now my mornings are my quiet time, and time with my family, and I love them. I know going forward into February it’s going to change a bit, (February Challenge: workout 30 minutes every day. FML) but I’m determined to keep an outline of this schedule. I already know when I get back on Facebook and Instagram, that I’ll be spending my mornings social media free going forward.

10 more days to go!

It’s been two weeks since I’ve been on Facebook or Instagram. Honestly, I really thought it would be hard to do this challenge. Truthfully? It’s been amazing. I should have done this months ago.

Things I miss about social media: A few times my husband has filled me on on things my family has posted about, or what friends have been up to. I miss seeing these posts. When it’s time for me to get back on social media, these are what I’ll look forward to. On Instagram I miss seeing beautiful photos of location or scenery. I miss watching hair videos on Instagram, and learning new things.

Things I don’t miss: Literally everything else. I don’t miss obnoxious political posts, no matter what side you’re on. Nobody cares, guys. I don’t miss posts and links about articles, or recipes, or ads that just clog my feed. I don’t miss the endless and mindless scrolling every single second I have a moment of free time. I don’t miss airbrushed and photoshopped photos of lives that aren’t real, or people humble bragging about anything and everything. I don’t miss the anxious feeling I get when I’m looking through stuff,  like I missed out on something, or wondering how everyone else seems so put together all the time. All of it is total, curated, bullshit.

This first challenge of the year has definitely been eye opening, and I’m realizing I’d like to spend vastly less time on social media in the future. I enjoy posting, and sharing photos, and will continue to do so, but my time scrolling is going to be very limited from here on out. I’m learning that there are people I keep in touch with in my every day life, or on a regular basis, and everything else is just noise. I read once somewhere that we are really only able to keep about 150 personal relationships going at one time, and the rest becomes too much for us to focus on.

Things to note: I have cheated once, and only once since the start of this challenge. I don’t really count it as cheating though. I was doing a client consultation at work, and pulled up my portfolio on Instagram to show the client specific examples of work I’d done previously for other guests. After doing this I immediately closed the app. Not really cheating, but I’m here for full transparency.

I hope the people reading this (all four of you?) have gotten 2019 off to a great start! Is there anything you’re working on?

I haven’t been on Facebook or Instagram in a week. What follows are a variety of thoughts that have floated through my head…

1. This is the greatest thing ever
2. Wasting. So. Much. Time.
3. Do I really have a phone problem?
4. I have a major phone problem.
5. I’m really glad I’m going to have all these landscaping ideas from Pinterest in 3 months
6. Oh look, a book!

Today I spent 30 minutes just staring out of my front window with the dog, watching the world go by. I’ve read almost an entire book since Thursday. I framed stuff in my house I’ve been meaning to get to since November. I made a firewood pile.

The point is that in the past 7 days I’ve become blatantly and embarrassingly aware of just how much time I’m spending on sites like Facebook and Instagram. Just throwing time away, when I could be doing any other number of things.

I’ve also noticed that I do miss things. I miss seeing my dad post pictures of his crazy dogs, and my friends and their funny status updates, or their adorable kids. These are the things I love about social media.

I’ve also begun thinking about how I’d like to handle these sites going forward. Only a week in and I already know I don’t want to be spending so much time on them. I know there’s a whole lot of people I’d rather not be connected to online any longer after this month ends. I’m learning about what kind of limits I’d like to set for myself going forward, to make it a more enjoyable experience again, instead of a stressful and bad one. And we’re only a week in!

I got my Facebook account back in 2004. Yea, that’s right, almost FIFTEEN years ago. Back then you had to be in college, and your college had to be registered with Facebook for you to even sign up. Or some bullshit like that.

I didn’t use it much until about 2008, when I was living in South Korea, and it proved to be a fantastic way to stay in touch with people back home. Some point after that it blew up, and everyone and their grandma logged on. The kid who pulled your hair in 3rd grade requested to be friends with you. People were using it as a dating site. You could follow someone on their entire vacation as they checked in to every gas station and restaurant (Mom, I’m looking at you).

My favorite thing about Facebook has always been the ability to see friends and family that I don’t live near, and what they’re up to. Growing up in a military family, we moved roughly every two years. Facebook is basically the greatest thing that ever happened for keeping in touch with people, and I love seeing people’s kids grow up, their travel photos, and funny anecdotes about life. It’s a wonderful way to glance into the lives of people you care about, but don’t get to see often.

Lately all I see on my Facebook feed is people blasting their opinions out into the world. Loud, often obnoxious political rants, rude comments, and people throwing their unsolicited opinions at me, and what I choose to share online. I see blatant racism, sexism, rudeness, and just plain disgusting behavior. These are people I know and like in every day life, using Facebook as a vomit of behavior that they would never display in a face to face interaction, or a non internet conversation. It both disturbs and upsets me, and leaves me confused.

You may be asking right now, why don’t you just hide them? Well, I do, but then, if I don’t want to see them, I’d rather just prefer to not even have them there in the first place, which bring me to the second social media dilemma. How can you unfriend someone on Facebook in 2019 and not have it affect your actual relationship? I don’t think you can anymore.

Do we feel an obligation to have people on our social media simply because if we didn’t it would hurt their feelings? I think so. Old coworkers that you know you’re never going to see again, that you didn’t even like working with? Why are they still there? That girl you slightly remember from high school but never actually hung out with, does she really need to be able to see your entire life online? I cannot be the only person who has these thoughts.

Does anyone else every struggle with this? Please feel free to comment below!

12:00 a.m. – Facebook and Instagram have been deleted off my phone. I checked them roughly 47 times before I did this. You know, in case I missed anything.

12:01 a.m. – What the hell have I done?

9:00 a.m. – Roll over in bed, grab my phone. Instead of spending 20 minutes (where does the time go?!) scrolling Instagram stories and Facebook, I check the weather, and am out of bed by 9:01. I feel oddly free, and recharged. I take the dog on a long walk, leave the phone at home, and when I get back I have zero notifications. However, I have three Bitmoji texts from my dad. I showed my dad how to use Bitmoji in December, and it’s the most hilarious and entertaining gift I could have ever given him. Everyone should get one.

10:45 a.m. –  Literally sitting with my laptop on my lap, staring at this page. I keep side eyeing my phone. I feel mildly ashamed. Am I this bad about always having my phone on me? I decide the answer is absolutely.

10:49 a.m. – My phone is mocking me. I have checked the weather 4 times, and my email has been refreshed 9 times. I get a lot of junk mail.

3:40 p.m. – Things I’ve accomplished today.

1. Cleaned out closet, made piles to donate, trash, sell
2. Gone through bathroom closet, restocked, organized, cleaned
3. Target run
4. Sat down and totaled up work numbers for 2018. Set goals for 2019, prepare new planner for my work year.
5. Clean kitchen
6. Aquire ability to tell someone about the weather in great detail for the next 10 days.

3:44 p.m. – Am saddened by the reality of how much I actually mindlessly grab and open my phone on a minute/hourly/daily basis. Also, not quite sure where my phone is at the moment. Do I have a phone problem? Probably. Yea. Definitely.

6:59 p.m. – Just finished Hacksaw Ridge. Am emotionally destroyed. Wanted to post on Facebook about being emotionally destroyed, but then realized I’m on a social media detox. This feels oddly wonderful.

10:03 p.m. – As the first day of this January challenge draws to a close, I’m both surprised by how much I was actually using both Facebook and Instagram, and by how much I didn’t miss it today.

It sometimes feels like something I HAVE to check, and my fingers go to the icons seemingly on autopilot, to see what everyone out there is up to. Today I felt relief.